Leo Tolstoy was famous, influential, and well off when he wrote this.
The question–that which at the age of fifty brought me to the edge of the abyss–was the simplest of questions… “What will come of what I am doing today or shall do tomorrow? What will come of my whole life?”
Differently expressed, the question is: “Why should I live, why wish for anything, or do anything?” It can also be expressed thus: “Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy?”
My deeds whatever they may be will be forgotten sooner or later, and I myself will be no more, why then do anything? I therefore could not attach a rational meaning to a single act of my entire life. The only thing that amazed me was how I had failed to realize this from the very beginning. How could anyone fail to see this? That’s what is amazing.
It’s possible to live, as long as life intoxicates us. But once we’re sober…
What are you living for?
References:
Leo Tolstoy, A Confession
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What am I living for? I’m happy you asked, Kurt.
Since my name has been written in the Book of Life of the Lamb Who was slain since the foundation of the world, I live to serve, honor, obey the Lamb, and to be a caretaker to use the very gift/talents given me for His Glory, rather than bury the talents He blessed me with.
Not wanting my name to be blotted out of the Book, I prefer to live as a bond-servant to my Master so that I may hear my King say, “Come blessed of my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the Foundation of the world”.
Meanwhile, I put on my apron in preparation for Father’s supper [the Master’s food was to do the will of His Father], thereby serving Him His way now, so that afterward I will eat and drink with Him at the marriage supper when He puts on His apron and serves me. WOW! Imagine that! Meanwhile I look not for a “thanks” from the Master who commands me to do His bidding.
When I worked in this world for a living, I got a paycheck for my service, but the world system clamors that the boss should give appreciation to the employee; that isn’t how our Master works in the here and now, although things will work out better in the long run when we do as He says, but at the Wedding Supper we shall be handsomely rewarded. He looks for those with contrite hearts who say, “We are unworthy servants. We have done our duty, we have done all the things that are commanded of You.”
Our righteous deeds here on earth count to store up treasure for the King’s Kingdom even though He knows we have a sin nature of which He paid for long ago. However, there will be those who’ll basically say, “I did this and I did that (especially miracles) in Your Name” and He will say, “I never knew you: Depart from Me, you that work iniquity (anomia/transgression of the law, or unrighteousness)”. My elder brother, Jesus/Yehoshua, will come in the glory of His Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works.
So the question begs: What am I living for?
I’m living for to make my Daddy proud so as not to spoil His Name and His Name is Yehovah! Work for Him; His benefits are out of this world.
Great comment Irene. What you wrote, “…the Master’s food was to do the will of His Father,” reminds me to pray for the same “hunger,” to do the will of our Father, in my own life. Thank you for your answer, and God bless you and Mike!