Falling Forever In Darkness

Last post I wrote about Zombies, Bad Intentions, And People Who Love Like Jesus. That last post started with a dream I had, and today I want to start with another dream of mine.

Last night I had another incredibly intense dream. I dreamed I was in a lush green place. My neighbor on the other side of the fence criticized me for something and after his criticism I began walking away. I walked and walked. And as I walked the landscape gradually changed. There was less and less green and more and more brown. During my journey I remember seeing a quarter acre garden plot that was looking rather unhealthy. As I continued away from the lush green place the land became more and more barren.

And as I was walking across this barren landscape I suddenly felt the ground disappear beneath me and I was falling. The light faded until I was in complete darkness, and still I was falling. After 10 or so seconds I realized that I was falling in the darkness forever.

It was alarming.

“Is this the outer darkness Jesus spoke of? The place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth?” (Matthew 8:12, 22:13, 25:30)

I was just about to succumb to the panic welling up inside me when I thought to myself:

“I don’t need to worry, God is still there.”

So I lifted my eyes toward the heavens, and I saw a small crevice of blue sky, and I cried out,

“Father save me!”

I don’t remember what I said next, but Kathy does, because the dream was so intense, I woke her when I said out loud:

“In the name of Jesus Christ I pray this. Amen.”

It was then that she woke me up and the dream ended.

Bullies And Bitterness

We’re dealing with a situation right now that makes me feel like Kathy’s being bullied. We’re adults so, it’s not physical bullying, like a big kid picking on a little kid on the playground. It’s a big organization who’s bullying Kathy. I’m finding this very difficult to stomach. I mean I’m having a really hard time with it. I don’t like seeing Kathy treated this way, and I don’t like seeing the truth treated this way either.

The Way Out Of That Dark Hole

But when I woke up this morning, during my time with our Father, I asked Him the meaning of that dream. And right away the thought entered my mind that the landscape in the dream is my heart. And the more I move toward bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness, the more barren I become, and the less fruit I bear for Christ. I find myself far away from the lush green place and eventually, if I continue on into resentment and unforgiveness, I’ll find myself in a free-fall into dark bitterness.

For me, the only escape from that dark place is to cry out to the Father,

“Father save me!”

“In Jesus’ name.”

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31

(You might also like Jesus and Anger)

Notes:

Image of men hugging via Portland Seminary, Creative Commons