I love God – for me to even say something like that seems strange.  What could it possibly mean for me to love God.  Furthermore, I’m no stranger to being angry or even hating God.  I have unanswered questions about suffering and death.  This world hasn’t been nice to me, and I am a very “blessed” person.  When I hear about the suffering of my friends or contemplate the typical life for the poor of this world, where is God?
Today at lunch I was thinking about suffering and injustice.   In a short [lunch] break between the insanity of phone calls and anchor-bolts, steel plates, quick scribble calculations, I somehow found enough stillness to focus on some thoughts from the the 40th chapter of the book of Job.  I didn’t read much, but I read slowly.


Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm:   “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.   “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?



I thought, “woah, that’s right, I’d be silly to judge God”  The book of Job has a special place in my heart.  This world doesn’t always make sense to me.  But, I love being soft to God – a soft heart is a sort of humility that emanates with trust enough to say, “Ok, God, your ways instead of mine.”  Anyway, the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.  I’m also learning that Jesus is my wisdom, understanding, and my righteous.


I’m not sure how I can say, “I love God.”  But it might have something to do with the experience of my ability to say to God, “I want (to want) your ways instead of mine.”