How I Fell Like A Shot Bird (After one of the best weeks of my life)

anger management Christian

Just One Day Later…

So just one day after writing about “…one of the best weeks of my life,” in terms of loving people the way Jesus commanded us to, I fell to the earth like a shot bird. Late Saturday morning Kathy and I entered into a discussion, that quickly evolved into an argument, which quickly escalated into a big fat argument.

A 20 Second Sound Bite From A Counselor

That’s unusual for us, to find ourselves in the midst of a big fat argument. Discussions and “spirited disagreements” are the norm.  But a few days before, I was listening to a podcast and heard a part of a conversation with a counselor. And the counselor said, when men become angry or frustrated they tend to remove themselves from the situation. Because when a man becomes angry or frustrated he can enter into fight mode. And by removing himself he gives himself time to process the cause of his anger so he can address the situation calmly.

As I listened to this counselor, I thought to myself, “Yeah, that’s me. That’s what I often do.” I typically go for a walk and pray in that situation.

But this counselor went on to say, when men do that, it’s misinterpreted by women. For instance, when a wife expresses disagreement and a husband doesn’t engage his wife, when he removes himself either physically or emotionally, his wife interprets that to mean he doesn’t care.

How I Failed

So when this discussion with Kathy started, I had a feeling it would escalate. But I remembered the words of the counselor and I thought to myself, “I think I’ll stay and engage Kathy–so she know’s I care.”

And that’s what I did. And the result was awful. It ended when I threw a dish into the sink, (it was a plastic dish but later Kathy told me it cracked anyway), and I stormed out of the house slamming the door behind me. And when I slammed the door I managed to smash two of my fingertips.

Now what? My fingers were already changing colors. At that moment I was too filled with pride to go back inside for ice and ibuprofen. So I jumped in the car and drove–rather aimlessly.

How God Responded

But after twenty minutes of driving around with throbbing fingertips–I decided my need for ice and ibuprofen was greater than my pride. So I headed toward home. About a half mile from the house I hit the radio button and turned on KPDQ True Talk 800 AM, Portland’s Christian radio station.

These were the first words that came from the car radio speakers:

“…the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:20

I walked in the door and apologized to Kathy.

Next time I’ll go for a walk–and pray.


I listened for just a minute or so after the radio talk show host uttered those words from James 1:20. She was interviewing Brant Hansen about his new book Unoffendable. I think I better read it.

[Image via alex de carvalho – Creative Commons]

6 Comments on “How I Fell Like A Shot Bird (After one of the best weeks of my life)

  1. Pingback: The Article About Anger That Might Make You Angry | God Running

  2. Wow Kurt, this was an amazing post! I love how honest and transparent you were about the argument that you had with Kathy.

    I didn’t know either that men remove themselves when it comes to arguments so that they have time to process. I’ll have to notice if I do that the next time I get into an argument with Tina.

    God is so good that He spoke to through the radio program. That’s just way cool 🙂

  3. We humans all know that pride comes before the fall. Who hasn’t experienced this many times over in life? My perpetual calendar revealed this for us today:
    Love is not blind–it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.
    Rabbi Julius Gordon
    For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
    Matthew 6:14
    You and Kathy are both blessings to many people, yet no one is perfect. Our Father wants us to grow from a child, to a youth, to a mature adult. We just keep on growing til He comes, yet we all have growing pains from time to time! 🙂

      • You know the Word says that the Father knows each time a sparrow falls to the ground, yet He is perfectly capable of raising it up again!!

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