God Running is a place for anyone who wants to (or even anyone who wants to want to) love Jesus more deeply, follow Jesus more closely, and love people the way Jesus wants us to.
So far in the Connecting to God’s Power Series we’ve seen in part 1 how we can experience God’s power by connecting to a group of believers whose faces light up when they see us. In part 2 we learned about how gratitude is an onramp to Jesus’ joy in our hearts, minds, and souls; and how if we’re filled with Christ’s joy, we can experience God’s power. In part 3 we learned about the word khesed and we saw how important it is that we khesed like Jesus and how it’s Christ’s will for us to be connected to a group of people who also khesed like Jesus: and again we saw how being connected to a high khesed group fills us with the power of God. If you’re interested you can learn more here (and here, and here):
Gratitude is the On-ramp to Joy: Part 2 in the Connecting to God’s Power Series
By now you’ve figured out that the big key to connecting to God’s power is to intentionally connect yourself to a group of Jesus followers who have these three attributes: 1) Their faces light up when they see you. 2) They’re filled with gratitude. 3) They khesed like Jesus.
In today’s post we’ll look at a fourth attribute of this group, and that attribute is a culture of accountability.
Culture of Accountability
So Jesus wants us to connect with this group on a regular and ongoing basis, and here’s the thing about every person in the group you’re looking for: Every person in that group wants to hear about it any time they do anything that’s inconsistent with the character of Jesus. That’s what they want. That’s what they desire.
Of course the person over which you have the most control is yourself, and the person over which I have the most control is myself. So it starts with you and it starts with me. It starts with me receiving criticism in the best way possible.
So we need to openly express our desire to hear about it anytime we do anything inconsistent with the character of Christ.
I find it interesting and instructive how Jesus responded to Nathanael’s attitude toward him in John chapter one.
Philip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!” Nathanael said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” Nathanael answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!” Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.”
John 1:45-50
How Jesus Responded to Criticism
Critical and cynical. That was Nathanael’s attitude toward the news Philip had “found the one Moses and the prophets wrote about.”
“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael responded.
At the time, Nazareth didn’t have the best reputation as a city. It may be Nathanael’s cynicism and criticism were understandable. However, to Nathanael’s credit, though he has some tough questions, he decides to accept Philip’s invitation to “Come and see” for himself.
And here’s how Jesus responds to Nathanael’s negativity.
“Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit,” Jesus says enthusiastically as he sees Nathanael approaching.
“Behold, an Israelite . . .” The very first words out of Jesus’ mouth are words affirming Nathanael as an Israelite, as one of God’s chosen people.
“. . . in whom there is no deceit!” (or guile as the King James Version renders it). This was a play on words by Jesus. He was referring back to Jacob. Jacob, who was renamed Israel by the Lord, was a man known for his guile and deceit. You probably remember Jacob tricking his blind father Isaac out of his older brother’s blessing. One of a number of instances where Jacob used deceit and guile to get his way. So here we see Jesus, rather than defending Himself against Nathanael’s cynicism, using this play on words to emphasize Nathanael’s genuineness and honesty.
Nathanael, recognizing Jesus knew how he felt about a prophet coming from Nazareth, says, “How do you know me?”
“Before Philip called you, I saw you under that fig tree,” Jesus replies.
At which point Nathanael answers, “Rabbi, You are the Son of God. You are the King of Israel.”
And Jesus answers back, “Because I saw you under that fig tree you believe? You’ll see greater things than these.” Jesus finishes the conversation by commending Nathanael for his faith.
5 Steps to Taking Criticism Well
In chapter 3 of the Love Like Jesus book I write about how Jesus, and a certain NFL quarterback, and a certain pastor, and a certain fire chief respond to critics.
I also write about five steps you and I can take to respond to criticism well, and here they are:
1. Don’t respond for twenty-four hours.
If you’re like me, when you receive criticism, you can become flooded with emotion. You feel anger, or you feel deflated, or you feel crushed, or a combination of any number of emotions. I’ve learned over the years that nothing good happens while I’m upset. If I try to address criticism while I’m upset, I make it worse instead of better, even when I think I’m saying or doing the best thing in the moment. Most of us are the same. So just thank them for sharing or say nothing, or even walk away if you have to. And then wait a day. Let yourself sleep on it. Give yourself time to go to God and ask Him about it. The people I see who respond like Jesus to criticism respond with grace and integrity. Waiting for twenty-four hours gives you the best possible chance to do the same. What a difference a day will make in your perspective, and in your quest to love like Jesus.
2. Ask yourself: Is there any truth at all in what they said?
Jesus is the one person in the history of the planet who never had to ask himself this question. But for the rest of us, it will be rare for us to examine what was said and come to the conclusion there was no truth in it. And if you do come to that conclusion, ask a friend who knows you well, someone you trust, if they see any truth in what was said. They might see what the critic saw, even if you don’t. And even if you find some small truth in there somewhere, use it to grow into a better person. In fact, I would say try your best to find some truth in the criticism. Use it to grow into a person who’s more like Jesus. Finally, even if there’s no truth whatsoever in what was said, at least you asked yourself and a friend the question. You lose nothing by asking.
3. Own what you can.
Find whatever part of the criticism you can own, even if it’s small. Try to understand how that person came to feel the way he or she does. Try to understand the why behind their feelings, even if they overreacted. I’ve noticed that people who are successfully loving like Jesus take responsibility. People who struggle to love like Jesus tend to blame, become defensive, and justify themselves. You and I don’t want to be that person.
4. Raise the relational bar.
Raise the level of communication from how they communicated with you. If they emailed you, call them. If they called you, take them out for coffee. Tell them you’d like to learn more about what they said and how they’re feeling. If they criticized you in person, take them out to lunch. I’ve experienced this both as a critic, and as the one being criticized, and it’s amazing how disarming it can be. If the person who criticized is healthy, and if you own whatever you can, most of the time the situation will be diffused and you’ll experience a spirit of reconciliation—if you raise the relational bar in this way.
5. Discard the rubbish.
Even if you found some truth you could own, and you responded with grace and love, the way Jesus would have, sometimes there’s still rubbish to be dealt with. And the way to deal with it is to discard it. Sometimes criticism is less about you and more about what’s going on with the critic. Maybe they just had a fight with their spouse. Or maybe they just got dumped on at work. Or maybe they’re depleted physically, or emotionally.
Sometimes good people overreact, or react inappropriately. And sometimes critics aren’t just mad at you, they’re mad at the world. Either way, it may be there’s some content in their criticism that’s not based in reality. It’s based in something else: something having to do with the critic more than the one criticized. Share it with God. Talk to a trusted friend about it. Acknowledge that it hurts anyway. And then let it go. Don’t carry a load from yesterday into today. (The five steps were inspired by Carey Nieuwhof’s article, 5 Ways to Make Criticism Sting Less, CareyNieuwhof.com)
What Jesus Could Have Said But Didn’t
Jesus could have responded to Nathanael with a whopping comeback. “You obviously don’t know Who (with a capital W) you’re talking to, or what you’re talking about. I wasn’t even born in Nazareth, I was born in Bethlehem, the precise place where God promised the Messiah would come from. Maybe you should get your facts straight before you share your cynicism. I was going to include you in a group of eleven people who will turn the world upside down and influence the entire planet for eternity, but with that attitude—you’re out!”
But that’s not what Jesus did. Instead, he met Nathanael’s negativity and cynicism with grace and love. Jesus, rather than defending Himself, responds to Nathanael’s attitude by affirming Nathanael’s position as one of God’s chosen, by emphasizing his honesty, and by commending him for his faith. Jesus took Nathanael’s negative and turned it around to a positive, and he communicated with Nathanael in person. It’s so easy to respond to someone who’s critical toward you with defensiveness, or by returning the negative with a negative shot right back.
But the people I observe who love critics the way Jesus did, look for whatever positive they can find, there’s always something, and they start there, and they often raise the relational bar too. The people I know who add value to critics the way Jesus did, have more opportunity to impact their life for Christ. The people I know who take value away from critics, even when they’re well-meaning, tend to cause others to withdraw from them and to disregard what they have to say. So next time you’re faced with a critic or a cynic, start by finding and emphasizing the positive. Raise the relational bar.
Jesus did.
You can too.
Holding Others Accountable
Keeping in mind neither you nor I are the Christ, and keeping in mind we must desire to hear about any of our behavior that’s contrary to Jesus’ nature, we need to recognize the way we receive criticism is the starting point. We have to model what we want to see in others who belong to our group.
But also, in the context of this high khesed group of Jesus followers, we need to share with others when their behavior isn’t consistent with the character of Christ. There’s a spectrum here. Some in the group will be more open and receptive than others. Those who are most receptive might only require a one on one conversation to recognize where they’ve failed to reflect Jesus’ nature. Those who struggle receiving criticism will need to feel the group’s desire for them to change their un-Christlike behavior. This statement is a powerful one: “We’re a group of Jesus followers who don’t behave that way, we’re all committed to enthusiastically receiving correction that will help us to live and love more like Jesus.”
We don’t want to stay the same.
We want to grow as Jesus followers.
We want to love the way Jesus loved.
That enthusiastic desire to hear about when we’re not behaving in a way that’s consistent with Jesus’ nature, that culture of accountability, is an important attribute of the group Jesus wants us to connect with. And he wants us to connect with such a group intimately and regularly. This fourth attribute is huge. Because without holiness, “no one will see the Lord.” But we have to remember, sharing correction with another works best when it’s shared in a group that has a solid foundation of the first three attributes listed: a foundation of shining faces, gratitude, and khesed.
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14
Connecting to God’s Power
This is the last post in the Connecting to God’s Power series. In summary, intentionally connecting yourself on a regular basis to a high khesed group of Jesus followers is the key to accessing God’s power. Immersion into that group will dramatically grow your ability to love like Jesus and to live like Jesus. Intimate ongoing connection with that group will even help you to love your enemies–as Jesus commands us to. Connection with such a group will give you strength to endure and maybe even thrive through life’s worst suffering.
The four attributes of the group you’re looking for are:
- Their faces light up when they see you.
- They have gratitude toward God.
- They khesed like Jesus.
- They’re enthusiastic about receiving correction when their behavior is inconsistent with the character of Christ.
I recently reached out to such a group and I’m currently in the process of connecting with them. They’re volunteers at a place called The Jesus Table. I volunteered there a number of years ago and I started up again, once a week for the last three weeks. They’re a group of some of the most virtuous human beings I’ve ever known. And they have the four attributes shared in this series. Becoming a part of that group has been one of the biggest blessings I’ve ever experienced in my life.
How I hope you’ll be intentional about attaching yourself to such a group.
It will change your life.
“Father, please have Your loving hand on the life of the dear person reading this right now. Lead them and help them. Help them to connect to the group of Jesus followers You have in mind for them. Use the love of Jesus in that group to dramatically change their life forever.
“In Jesus name I pray.
“Amen.”
Notes:
Jim Wilder and Michel Hendricks, The Other Half of Church, Christian Community, Brain Science, and Overcoming Spiritual Stagnation, Moody Publishers (August, 2020)
Image of group discussion via Pexels — Free to use, no attribution required
Available on Amazon! Love Like Jesus: How Jesus Loved People (and how you can love like Jesus) Love Like Jesus begins with the story of how after a life of regular church attendance and Bible study, Bennett was challenged by a pastor to study Jesus. That led to an obsessive seven year deep dive. After pouring over Jesus’ every interaction with another human being, he realized he was doing a much better job of studying Jesus’ words than he was following Jesus’ words and example. The honest and fearless revelations of Bennett’s own moral failures affirm he wrote this book for himself as much as for others. Love Like Jesus examines a variety of stories, examples, and research, including:
- Specific examples of how Jesus communicated God’s love to others.
- How Jesus demonstrated all five of Gary Chapman’s love languages (and how you can too).
- The story of how Billy Graham extended Christ’s extraordinary love and grace toward a man who misrepresented Jesus to millions.
- How to respond to critics the way Jesus did.
- How to love unlovable people the way Jesus did.
- How to survive a life of loving like Jesus (or how not to become a Christian doormat).
- How Jesus didn’t love everyone the same (and why you shouldn’t either).
- How Jesus guarded his heart by taking care of himself–he even napped–and why you should do the same.
- How Jesus loved his betrayer Judas, even to the very end.
With genuine unfiltered honesty, Love Like Jesus, shows you how to live a life according to God’s definition of success: A life of loving God well, and loving the people around you well too.
A life of loving like Jesus. (Kindle, hardcover, and paperback now available on Amazon.)
Beautiful post 🌹