God Running is a place for anyone who wants to (or even anyone who wants to want to) love Jesus more deeply, follow Jesus more closely, and love people the way Jesus wants us to.

In our last post from the book of Acts we saw how Paul encountered a crowd of people who were in an oppositional mindset. If you’re interested you can read more here: “Arguing with Dad–Acts 22:1-23”. In today’s post we’ll learn about a big important amazingly helpful thing both Paul and Jesus did to help themselves set healthy boundaries.

Acts 22:22-29

Then they raised their voices and said, “Away with such a fellow from the earth! For he should not be allowed to live.” And as they were shouting and throwing off their cloaks and flinging dust into the air, the tribune ordered him to be brought into the barracks, saying that he should be examined by flogging, to find out why they were shouting against him like this. But when they had stretched him out for the whips, Paul said to the centurion who was standing by, “Is it lawful for you to flog a man who is a Roman citizen and uncondemned?” When the centurion heard this, he went to the tribune and said to him, “What are you about to do? For this man is a Roman citizen.” So the tribune came and said to him, “Tell me, are you a Roman citizen?” And he said, “Yes.” The tribune answered, “I bought this citizenship for a large sum.” Paul said, “But I am a citizen by birth.” So those who were about to examine him withdrew from him immediately, and the tribune also was afraid, for he realized that Paul was a Roman citizen and that he had bound him.

Paul Sets a Boundary

This is a fascinating passage of scripture for me because here we see a place in God’s Word where one of His servants sets a clear boundary. In our last post we saw how Israeli nationalism was on the rise which caused the crowd around Paul to react as soon as Paul shared his vision of God sending him to the Gentiles. The Gentiles were the wrong people group in the minds and hearts of those listening to Paul that day, so they became enraged. In their minds I’m guessing they felt it was appropriate moral outrage.

“Away with such a fellow from the earth!” They said.

“For he should not be allowed to live.” They said.

And they were shouting and throwing off their cloaks and flinging dust into the air.

In response to all this riotous behaviour, the tribune orders Paul to be brought into the barracks, saying he should be interrogated by flogging to find out why the crowd was so angry at Paul.

But when they stretched Paul out in preparation for the whips, Paul said to the centurion standing near him,

“Is it lawful for you to flog a man who is a Roman citizen and uncondemned?”

This made the tribune afraid because by binding Paul, the tribune had broken the law.

One Secret to Paul’s Boundary Setting Abilities

Paul was one cool character when he looked over at the Centurion and said those words: “Is it lawful for you to flog a man who is a Roman citizen . . . ?”

I imagine him delivering that line with a quiet calm, like a hero in a movie.

Maybe you’re like me and you have trouble keeping your cool when you encounter a situation where you have to set a boundary. Part of it is my desire to follow Jesus’ example and forgive people and to show people mercy. And sometimes part of it is my love for the one with whom I need to set a boundary. When I set a boundary the other person, who is usually someone I care for, often reacts. They usually experience hurt as a result of my setting the boundary. Or at the very least, they’re put in an awkward uncomfortable position.

And that’s not pleasant.

I don’t like to see people I love and care about hurting or angry. It’s so much easier to just go along to get along, and avoid that whole mess.

And I don’t want to downplay the importance of going along to get along. I think most of the time that’s the best play. But every once in a while, it’s not. And those are the times when the wisest thing to do, is to set a boundary.

But it’s so hard.

And yet Paul did it so effectively. And in the Love Like Jesus book I write about how Jesus did it too. (Chapter 28, page 177)

So there’s one big amazingly helpful thing Paul and Jesus did, that up until the last eight or nine months, I failed to do.

Cloud and Townsend’s book Boundaries

If you’re like me and you have trouble setting boundaries there’s a brilliant book I want to recommend to you. It’s called Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO to Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. On Amazon it has 23,555 ratings and all those ratings average out to 4.7, so, yeah, it’s really good. And Cloud’s a Jesus follower too. He doesn’t evangelize or even emphasize Jesus in his book but his content aligns with Christ.

I read that book years ago and I diligently tried to follow all of Dr. Cloud’s recommendations–except for one.

Somehow, while I was reading that book, I just glossed over the part where Cloud and Townsend share about how a person can’t set boundaries in a vacuum. According to Cloud and Townsend, none of their recommendations work without being well engaged with a supportive group of people who will encourage you. Consider this quote from Cloud and Townsend:

“There are two reasons why you need others to help with boundaries. The first is that your most basic need in life is for relationship. People suffer much to have relationships, and may put up with abuse because they fear their partners will leave them and they will be alone if they stand up to them. Fear of being alone keeps many in hurtful patterns for years. They are afraid that if they set boundaries they will not have any love in their life. 

“When they open themselves up to support from others, however, they find that the abusive person is not the only source of love in the world and that they can find the strength through their support system to set the limits they need to set. They are no longer alone. The church of Christ is there to give strength to ward off the blows against them. 

“The other reason we need others is because we need new input and teaching. Many people have been taught by their church or their family that boundaries are unbiblical, mean, or selfish. These people need good biblical support systems to help them stand against the guilt that comes from the old “tapes” inside that tell them lies to keep them in bondage. They need supportive others to stand against the old messages and the guilt involved in change… Our point…is that boundaries are not built in a vacuum; creating boundaries always involves a support network.” (p. 37)

What Paul and Jesus Did to Help Them Set Boundaries

Paul and Jesus did what Cloud and Townsend wrote. They both surrounded themselves with people who loved Jesus and God with everything they had and who desired to follow Jesus closely.

For the last eight or nine months, I’ve done a much better job of surrounding myself with people like that. People who love Jesus with everything they have and who are intimate with Jesus and who walk in his ways.

And I can tell you, the difference has been astounding.

I hope you’ll join me and find people who are full of Jesus to the overflowing. If you do, setting boundaries will become so much easier for you.

And that’s just one of the blessings you’ll experience from attaching yourself to a group like that.

“Father, please have mercy on us. In our current culture there’s a tendency to become absorbed into our phones and our screens and to avoid engaging with people who love You and who love Jesus and who follow Jesus closely and who do the work of Your kingdom. Fill us with Your Spirit. Help us to be intentional about connecting ourselves with people who love Jesus with everything they have, the way Jesus did, and the way Paul did. And then help us to set healthy boundaries. And help us to live our lives the way You want us to. Walking in the way Jesus walked.

Please help us.

In Jesus’ name we ask.

Amen.

Notes:

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO to Take Control of Your Life, Zondervan, 2017

Image of fence via Wallpaper Flare — Creative Commons

Available on Google Play Books and on Amazon!

Love Like Jesus: How Jesus Loved People (and how you can love like Jesus)

Love Like Jesus begins with the story of how after a life of regular church attendance and Bible study, Bennett was challenged by a pastor to study Jesus. That led to an obsessive seven year deep dive. After pouring over Jesus’ every interaction with another human being, he realized he was doing a much better job of studying Jesus’ words than he was following Jesus’ words and example. The honest and fearless revelations of Bennett’s own moral failures affirm he wrote this book for himself as much as for others. Love Like Jesus examines a variety of stories, examples, and research, including:

• Specific examples of how Jesus communicated God’s love to others.
• How Jesus demonstrated all five of Gary Chapman’s love languages (and how you can too).
• The story of how Billy Graham extended Christ’s extraordinary love and grace toward a man who misrepresented Jesus to millions.
• How to respond to critics the way Jesus did.
• How to love unlovable people the way Jesus did.
• How to survive a life of loving like Jesus (or how not to become a Christian doormat).
• How Jesus didn’t love everyone the same (and why you shouldn’t either).
• How Jesus guarded his heart by taking care of himself–he even napped–and why you should do the same.
• How Jesus loved his betrayer Judas, even to the very end.

With genuine unfiltered honesty, Love Like Jesus, shows you how to live a life according to God’s definition of success: A life of loving God well, and loving the people around you well too.

A life of loving like Jesus. (Kindle, hardcover, and paperback now available on Amazon and the ebook is now available on Google Play Books.)