A Father’s Letter To His Sons About Porn
Last post I wrote about an encounter I had at Starbucks with a man of sorrows. One of his sources of pain and suffering was his addiction to pornography. So I thought it appropriate to share the following blog post written by Robert Cunningham. It’s a letter to his sons about pornography. If you’re someone who struggles with this temptation, Cunningham’s letter is for you.
A Father’s Letter To His Sons About Porn
I have three young sons (6, 3, and 1). Occasionally I will write letters to give to them down the road. This is one about pornography. I’m sharing it because I know there are a lot of guys who desperately need to hear it, but don’t have a father who will say it.
My Precious Sons,
You are men.
You are noble and valiant creatures. Made to rule and subdue the earth with tender and calloused hands. Made to protect the weak and oppose injustice. Made to laugh, to wrestle, to firmly hug another. Made for glory. Made for honor.
But your manhood is twisted. You know it. You can feel it. Nobility now insecurity, courage now fear, the faint echoes of glory now loud cries of shame.
And experience is reaffirming what you fear is true. Women reject you. Friends forsake you. Father and mother fail you. You are not admired, you are not esteemed, you are not affirmed. No, this ruthless fallen world only mocks your manhood and magnifies your failures.
You are men. But alas, you are broken, battered, belittled men.
I know where you want to run. I know where you want hide. I hid there too in my youth.
Porn.
Oh how alluring it is to ruined men. A world where there are no demands, and there are no consequences. A world where you are adored and wanted, needed and respected. A world where perversion is standard and carnality is desired. A world that gives men what they were meant to have without asking men to be what they were meant to be. It restores what was lost in Eden but only by cheapening Eden, by creating a realm where perverted manhood is normalized and worshiped. Where for a moment, a brief, brief, moment, you can again be naked and unashamed.
Then you wake up. (Continue Reading)
Resources:
I’m A Christian Addicted To Porn by Shaun Groves
Robert Cunningham on Twitter: @tcpcrobert
Image via Miguel Tejada-Flores – Creative Commons
Extreme Forgiveness
Tunnel 13
A thirty-something friend of mine, Harold Cunningham, recently asked me about a problem he had. He shared this in confidence but after he told me what he did, I found it to be so radical, I asked his permission to write about it. Read More
7 Ways to Draw Closer to Christ in 2014
The Problem With Poinsettias
The problem with poinsettias is you have to water them. Kathy was away visiting family and one of my jobs while she was gone was to water the beautiful live potted poinsettias she bought as part of our Christmas decorations. Some may find this hard to believe but–I forgot. It wasn’t until a few days before Kathy’s return that I noticed the poinsettias were looking pretty bleak. Again you may find this hard to believe but this was not the first time I forgot to water plants in Kathy’s absence. Having experience with this problem I used my go to recovery plan: dump copious amounts of water on the plant and hope it recovers before Kathy returns.
Well the plan worked and the poinsettias did recover. However in the process of picking off the dead leaves to make the poinsettias look better, I accidentally severed a branch. It’s the one in the photo at the top of this post. It didn’t fare well after it was separated from the vine. It wasn’t long before it shriveled and died.
In John chapter 15 Jesus says plainly, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)
1) Practice His Presence
“…without Me you can do nothing.” And that brings us to our number one means of drawing closer to Christ in 2014: Read More
A Time to Die
It’s Time to Die
The last post was about how important it is not to die indiscriminately. In other words the last post was for people who can’t say no, as you might gather from the title: How Not to Become a Christian Doormat.
This post is probably more important and for a greater number because this post is for all of us who don’t want to die. And at some point everyone of us will have to. I’m not talking about the physical death of our bodies necessarily, but rather the time when the Holy Spirit will tell you, “Yes, it’s time. It’s your time to die now. It’s your time to submit to My will and not your own.”
You and I and every single one of us will encounter God in that way. Every single one of us will be called upon by God to die, and frequently.
Frequently because we’re commanded to love, and love so often demands that we die to our own will. And there are all kinds of ways to do that, there are all kinds of ways to die. You might be called to die by allowing that guy at work to take the choice assignment, or by agreeing to your wife buying a new pair of shoes, or even by simply turning off the TV and engaging with the kids.
Or, it could be something much harder.
A Tale of Two Fathers Read More
How Not to Become a Christian Doormat–How to know when to die (From the new book Love Like Jesus: Chapter 28)
Doormat
Content from this article is from the new book Love Like Jesus: How Jesus Loved People (and how you can love like Jesus). For more articles included in the book go to Love Like Jesus Book. Love Like Jesus is due to be published in February of 2020.
A Dormitory Door Mat
There are these two roommates Walter and Craig who live on the fifth floor of the Barnhart dormitory at the University of Oregon. Craig is on the football team. He’s pretty sure he’s one of the best athletes on campus. He’s really into his sport and his friends, like a lot of guys are during their college years. Two of his favorite hangouts are the weight room and wherever the current party happens to be. He’s a Grand Theft Auto and Madden NFL kind of guy.
But his roommate Walter is different. He’s kind of bookish, if you know what I mean. He’s a good student. He belongs to the college writing club. He’s watched all the Lord of the Rings movies multiple times—on Blue Ray. He’s an English major but he’s taking a physics class, just for fun. He’s more of a Minecraft kind of a guy.
Well one day Craig has a chance to move into an apartment off campus. The day the apartment comes open is the day before a home game, and he wants to move in right away so he can have a victory party after the game. He already invited a bunch of his friends. Getting people to come to his party was no problem. But getting people to help him move wasn’t working out. Not a single friend was available. So, even though he very much preferred not to, he asked Walter.
“Hey, I need you to help me move my stuff over to the apartment.”
“I’d like to but I can’t,” Walter said. “I have a midterm and a group project presentation tomorrow.” He also said yes to a request to give a presentation at his writer’s club right after the midterm. And his parents were arriving for a visit after writer’s club. But Walter was too embarrassed to disclose that to Craig.
“I don’t really see a problem,” Craig said. “I only need you for like, one hour.”
Walter didn’t respond but Craig could see the reluctance on his face.
“Come on Walter, don’t be selfish.”
For some reason every time Walter experienced a pang of guilt he thought of the dentist’s needle injecting lidocaine into his gums. Except instead of his gums, he imagined the needle penetrating his heart. And instead of pain followed by numbness, there was just pain. Craig had a knack for triggering that response in Walter. So did his dad. So did his mother. So did a lot of people.
And there was that word: selfish. A Christian can’t be selfish, can he? Read More
Love Like Jesus–Jesus and Competition
Competition
Baseball Player Lines
The World Series is happening right now and it reminds me of a story I once heard from a Fire Chief named Dennis Compton. Like me, Dennis is a Cubs fan. (Please pray for us, and for the Cubbies as well.) And one year he was excited and filled with hope, because the Cubs had this hot new player named Rafael Palmeiro. Palmeiro had just finished a close second to Tony Gwynn in the National League batting champion race, and it looked like his potential was off the chart. So what do the Cubs do? They trade him to the Texas Rangers. Well Compton was so upset about it, he telephoned the Cubs’ sports psychologist, who happened to be a friend of his, and invited him to lunch so he could find out just what in the world the Cubs’ management was thinking.
This sports psychologist had an interesting way of explaining the situation. He drew these lines on a piece of paper. Then he explained Read More
Love Like Jesus–How a Shrink Radically Changed My Perspective on Fatherhood Forever
The Part of Us That Wants to Avoid Our Kids
For some of us dads, the responsibility of getting our kids to undress, take a bath, jump into their PJs, brush their teeth, and get into bed is ours, and ours alone. One writer describes the situation this way,
As far as they’re concerned, asking them to perform any of these tasks–rather than, say, letting them watch television or play video games–flies in the face of natural justice. They puff themselves up with moral indignation, outraged that I should have so little regard for their feelings, even though this has been the ritual every day of their lives.
The phrase ‘herding kittens’ doesn’t do it justice. It’s like trying to herd a group of tiny lawyers, all convinced that ‘herding’ is a breach of the European Convention on Human Rights. (Toby Young, The Telegraph, Why men don’t want it all)
I remember when my kids were in diapers. I looked for opportunities to trade shifts with other firefighters, Read More
Love Like Jesus–Stay Married
“When I married my wife, I had hardly a smidgen of sense for what I was getting into with her. How could I know how much she would change over 25 years? How could I know how much I would change? My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed–and each of the five has been me.
The connecting link with my old self has always been the memory of the name I took on back there: “I am he who will be there with you.” When we slough off that name, lose that identity, we can hardly find ourselves again.” -Lewis Smedes
How Jesus Loved People Read More
Love Like Jesus and Failed Romance
For many of us, this is a hard one.
A Failed Romance
We all knew that guy. He’s the guy from high school who had the huge crush on a girl. During lunch he followed her around the cafeteria–like a puppy following someone with raw meat stuck to their shoe. In the evening, if she didn’t return his call within twenty minutes he started to panic. During the day, he checked his post on Facebook every five minutes to see if she gave it a like.
He smelled of desperation. Which of course had the opposite effect he desired.
Jesus, never did that.
How Jesus Loved People Read More
Love Like Jesus: Grace for a Trespass
Augustin Tünger: Facetiae Latinae et Germanicae, Konstanz 1486, Württembergische Landesbibliothek Stuttgart, Cod. HB V 24a. – Illustration from the life of St. Peter: Saint Peter paying a fee by extracting coins from the mouth of a fish. Image via wiki commons.
The temple tax collectors approached Peter and asked him directly, “Doesn’t your teacher pay the Temple tax?”
Peter was on the spot. He didn’t really know if Jesus intended to pay the Temple tax or not. But instead of confessing he didn’t know, he decided to wing it. Sure he does, Peter said.
That was quite an assumption. And that must have been quite a long walk home, wondering the whole way back what Jesus really thought about the Temple tax.
Upon his return, as Peter walks in the door I can see in my mind Jesus chuckling to himself. What do you think Simon? Jesus asks. Who do the kings of the earth collect taxes from–from their own kids, or from others? Read More
Love Like Jesus: Jesus Did Not Love Everybody the Same
He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. –Mark 5:37
How Jesus Loved People
Jesus loved everybody, but he didn’t love everybody the same. Do you realize that? He loved (and loves) every person on the planet. He loves every one of us so much, he laid down his life, for each of us. But when he was here, walking the earth, he loved different people differently. He fed 5,000, and then 4,000, for a total of 9,000, but he didn’t feed everybody. The people he fed were those who followed him and listened to him. He didn’t heal everybody. The people he healed were the ones who believed in him and cried out to him. He didn’t train everybody. He trained seventy-two of his closest followers as his ambassadors. (Luke 10) And then there’s the twelve. There were twelve who were especially close to him. He let them in, close, so they could see up close how he lived. He gave the twelve private insights into parables left unexplained to others. (Mark 4:10) And then there’s the three: Peter, James, and John. Jesus let these three in even closer. He loved Peter, James, and John by bringing them with him for the transfiguration, and when he raised Jairus’ daughter from the dead, and when he sweat great drops of blood in the garden of Gethsemane just before they took him away to be tried and sentenced to crucifixion in their kangaroo court system. Only the three were allowed to accompany Jesus during these occasions. (Matthew 17:1-11, Mark 5:35-43, Mark 14:32-52) Read More
The Control Freak And Jesus
There’s This Thirty-Something
There’s this thirty-something in my life who is always asking me these great questions about the Bible: provocative questions, hard questions, but very interesting questions. And it’s caused me to look at the Bible differently. I read and hear so much about how the Bible is restrictive. But this person with the questions has got me thinking about the freedom God has given us. Freedom to make our own choices. Have you ever considered what’s not illegal in the Old Testament? For instance, prostitution is not illegal in the Old Testament, and neither is polygamy. I’m not saying that either of those are good, I’m just saying neither of those is illegal in the civic code given to Israel in the Old Testament. People are free to engage in these activities without legal repercussions, though the spiritual ramifications and life consequences are still there (see Proverbs 23:27 and 29:3).
The point is, God is radical when it comes to our freedom. He wants us to have the freedom to do what we want, even when it’s wrong. And it’s really made me look at my own ideas about what God wants me to do concerning the behavior of others. Because sometimes I want other people to do what I want them to do, and I can get frustrated when they don’t.
Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you are there. Maybe you want to spend money a certain way but your wife wants to do it her way. Or maybe you want more time to recreate with the guys, but she has other ideas. Or maybe it’s just deciding what to do for dinner (not that this question would ever result in a disagreement). Whatever it is, our perspective changes when we Read More
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Posted on July 26, 2014 by Kurt Bennett
Bible Commentary, Bible Study, How Jesus Loved People - How You Can Too, Marriage
Bible restrictive, Christian, control freak, free will, how to love like Jesus, Jesus, Jesus and control freak, Love like Jesus, Old Testament, the control freak and Jesus