Things I Heard In Church: At one point the bat was inches away from my neck and making me a vampire.

things I heard in church bat

At one point the bat was inches away from my neck and making me a vampire.

Paraphrased from a Dave Teixeira teaching, 10/25/2015, Sunday, Strength in Weakness

Image via cthoyes – Creative Commons (The bat in this image is not the same bat that nearly transformed Dave Teixeira into a vampire.)

Some may not like it. I thought it was hilarious

Funniest video I’ve seen in a long time:

Not Ashamed of the Gospel: Funny video

Mama’s Bible

Best story of this type that I’ve ever seen. Thank you Susan for sending this to me.

MAMA’S BIBLE

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors
and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They
discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved
to Florida .

The first said, “You know I had a big house built for Mama.”

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house.”

The third said, “And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”

The fourth said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know
she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this
preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took
ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute
$50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it.
Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out
her “Thank You” notes.

She wrote: Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one
room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries
delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can
hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing,
and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the
same.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give
a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much.”

Love, Mama

Don’t Go Rafting Without a Baptist in the Boat

This is just too funny not to share. In case you’ve never heard her before, when she says “Left Brain” she’s referring to her husband. Check it out.